Let it Be

This year had been hard. I'm not going to lie and say, "Oh Gosh! Can you believe it I like so totally had an awesome year!!" No that's not it. It's been hard. True, a lot of it is my fault. I caused myself this pain. But some of it is not. To start off, this is just going to be about me moaning and groaning about how hard life is so if you don't want to read just skip down to the bottom about the song. For those of you who do want to hear, here i go.
The school year started and I met a really cute guy, Andy. I liked him alot and broke up with Ian to be with him. And and I went to homecoming together where he asked me out. We went out for two months. During those two months I met his family. Not just his Mom, Dad, and Sister. But his Grandparents, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and Great Grandma. His Mom absolutely Loved me and intertwined me into his life. I knew everything that went on before he did. Life was awesome. It really was. I had the lead in the school play, I was a cheerleader, I had an awesome boyfriend, I had straight A's, and I was the only freshman to get a solo in the Cabiret. No one could hurt me. Well not anyone that would anyway. But then some stuff starts going on at home with Andy's family. I only know of it because his mom told me. He broke up with me over a text message saying he wanted to be alone, let's still be friends, it's not you it's me. All in one sentence. I wanted to talk him out of it but nonetheless i couldn't. I told his mom and his dad, and his sister. None of them saw this coming and they wanted to know but he told no one. He refused to look at me at school. He moved all of his things out of my locker and avoided me at all costs. This was hard because I had a class with him but luckily i started signing out of my studyhall. Slowly I got my feet back underneath me, I realized Andy was not coming back no matter what I did. During this time, My grandma was slowly getting sick. Remember I have 11 grandparents and I don't get to see all of them as much as I'd like. Well My grandma has Diabeties and MS. I think she had asthma too and she smoked. One night she had a stroke that turned her into a vegetable. We decided to take her off treatment because she would not want to live like that. 3 or 4 days later I think it was, she died. I was at a party when I found out. A christmas party. You want to know why? it was the week right before christmas. Her funeral was December 23. She was only 56 years old. That was my first close family member that died. I tried to forget she had died, I still try too. I hardly ever saw her anyway. Only at my cousins birthday parties. We haven't had any yet so I am able to pretend and I know it's going to be a shock when she's not there. Throughout this, a girl i thought to be my friend was flirting with Andy and wanted to go out with him. He decided not too and I found out ANOTHER one of my friends was flirting with him. They are now going out. So much for being alone right? Worst part is, her lockers right next to mine and he's always there refusing to look/talk to/at me so It's hard to get to my locker alot of the time. Another thing, My little Uncle Jake, he's sick too. I have no clue what with, he just has this thing where his bloodplatelets are way to low and he has to have treatments but I am not seeing any help in this. He's not getting better. My sister has a constant fever now. A week or so ago her fever was 105.4. My great grandma fell down and broke her hip and is now in the hospital. My Grandpa might've had a stroke but we're not sure yet. My mom can hardly do anything now because the pain is so bad. I'm realizing a lot of things in life are not as good as they seemed. Life pretty much SUCKS. This year has been tough and I can't believe how much has happened. It can only get better right? Wrong. I am worried that at any minute someone might drop dead for something. I don't know who but I'm scared! I don't know what to do anymore!!!!! I've tried ignoring it all but it doesn't work. Everyone is sick. People I'm worried most about:Grandpa T, Mom, Mia, Nana Bunn, and my Dad. They are all sick.

Back to my Grandma Kallies. My mom is writing a story, it's rather sad. In it there is a death of a grandparent. It hit home. I couldn't read the entire page for my eyes were filled with tears. At the wake I thought I would be okay because It wasn't the real funeral yet. My grandpa came in and hugged my dad and they started crying, it just got worse after that. Then we had to leave and come back the next day at 9. They then had to close the coffin. I thought it was stupid ofthem. Why close it?? She's still in there. I know she is! I was ready to get up and open it myself. I had to sing. Then my dad read an essay he wrote when he was little. About how mom's were great. How he couldn't live without her. I don't want to have to run through it over and over in my head. After going to this baptist church they say anyone who isn't saved doesn't go to heaven? What about my Grandma? She was never really big into religion. Does that mean she's burning in hell? Is she really there? Why? Worst part is i never said goodbye. I thought I would see her again. We went and saw her on monday. I couldn't stand to be in the room with her. It stunk horribly but I managed. I didn't say goodbye, i expected to see her tuesday. Nope. I never saw my grandma again. Just a cold body that looked and felt like paper. I miss my Grandma. I really do. I feel so guilty.

Song:Let it Be from Across the Universe. this song because it makes me cry also. It makes me think of how horrible we were back then. Death happened everywhere. Even to little kids.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

If you haven't lost a loved one, I'm happy for you. Spend as much time with them as possible for you never know when you might never see them again.