Wonder

Wow is the first word I must say. I've been gone for a long time. My life got caught up under me and I figured I had no time for the blog. My life has indeed been busy. I'm on varsity cheer, Jazz Choir, Link Crew, Varsity Club, Weight-Lifting club. I've accomplished quite a bit over this last year with the support of family and friends. I am going to state for my Solo in solo ensemble. Also for jazz and madrigal. We went to state for our cheerleading routine back in february. That was a lot of fun. Trying to recap an entire year.. or plus more is going to be difficult. Let's try this. Last year I went to prom with a boy name Shawn Dobry. We had been together for a week but we had broken up and still went together. That was difficult. About two weeks later I ended up dating a boy, Jesse. His girlfriend had broken up with him because she found him boring and a jerk. I felt horrible because we'd been friends before. We started hanging out after the split and we got to know each other really well. He asked me out and we were together for 3 weeks. He then told me lets just be friends because he hadn't moved on yet. I said ok though it was hard and we remained ok. It was the end of school and we hung out almost every day. I went to bible camp again at Northland and when I came back he immediately sped to my house and asked me to be his again. He had missed me. I said ok and we were together. EVeryone thought we were perfect. I did love being with the boy. He made me happy and he was someone to talk to. But after about 4 months I started losing something. I was never sure of him. I was afraid he'd leave me again. I guess some might say thats unhealthy because there was no trust but i figured we were ok. 3 months later I got an unsuspected text saying he was cheating on me with another girl saying he was going to leave me. I freaked out because it was exactly as I expected. He denied it all and I decided I'd rather believe a lie then accept the truth. We ended up ok. But a few weeks later we got in a huge fight where he almost broke up with me. I yelled at him saying don't he DARE say we just be friends because i deserved a whole heck of a lot more and hung up on him. He decided to stay with me, for then. During this entire relationship he always always ALWAYS texted other girls. It drove me insane so I texted other boys just so i could have a little comfort in it. Well I got my texting taken away so me and him stopped talking as much. We didn't hang out. We just slowly cut off. There was one girl in particular I didn't like him talking to her and i asked him not to and he said ok. The last sunday in in February I was home alone at my dads. I got a call from jesse and he was telling me we needed to break up. After 8 months he didn't have the guts to say it to my face. He talked me into agreeing to be friends but I was a wreck. Two days later he cleared everything out of my locker. The next day he asked that certain girl to prom. They made my life a complete living hell. It was hard to go to school because I knew the looks I would get. It wasn't that I wanted him back. I DON'T want him back. I want it all to go away because in fact still today it hasn't gone away. Well if I look at these last 5 weeks I see I could have been more grown up. I know this and I tried being the bigger person for the most part. I didn't say stuff about them I just left them alone pretending they didn't exist. They aren't going to prom anymore. He's going with a freshman. I'm ok with that. I'll go with a friend since I already bought my dress. It's gorgeous and cost a pretty penny so why waste it. On something that isn't about boys my Uncle Howard was dying. He's still not completely healthy but he's healing. He had cancer, a staph infection, and he was septic.. I think thats the word. I went to see him and he looked horrible I was afraid we were going to lose him. But he pulled through so hopefully he will recover. My mom has been sick and there are days where she can hardly move. I help out where I can as does my brother and stepdad. My sister had her first dance recital just yesterday and she was adorable. She's 6 now. My brother's birthday was 2 days ago and now he's 18.


Today's song is Wonder by Natalie Merchant. When my mom and Stepdad got married they made both me and my brother a cd of the songs they thought reminded them of us. My cd included Paul McCartneys Mama's Little Girl, The middle by Jimmy Eat World and a few others including Wonder. This song made me think that maybe I am above average. I'm up there in the world and I can make a difference. I can make a change and people will notice it. This song shows me that my mom believes in me and she knows what i can do though she says I amaze her every day. The lyrics in the song "god's own creation" also tell me that God made us all seprately. He didn't make a single person average. If each person lives up to their full potential and in God's way that person will reach the moon and beyond. All they have to do is live in the way
God wants them to.




Lyrics | Natalie Merchant Lyrics | Wonder Lyrics